I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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