I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
