Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
