I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
