If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
