All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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