My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
