Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
