The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
