like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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