To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
