I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
