hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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