You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
