That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
