i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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