apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
