ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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