Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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