no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
