She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
