the condom got lost in my hair
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
