It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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