Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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