until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
