i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
