So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
