can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
