She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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