happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
