It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
