I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
