they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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