I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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