soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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