Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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