you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so that wasnt chicken after all
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
