and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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