Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
this hospital has no fireball
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
