No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
