I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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