Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
