Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
