So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
