sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
