he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
