I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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