I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
