I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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