Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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