He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
