he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
