It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
