we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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