So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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