I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
