I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
